Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
