He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
