I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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