The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
