We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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