Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
