actually, I'm a sock model
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
