remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My bed is full of blood and feathers
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
