i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
How naked do you want me to be?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
