She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
