did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you inspire me to be a worse person
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
