Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
