A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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