tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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