I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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