After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
