hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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