i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
