I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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