my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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