I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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