why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
