Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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