...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
