Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
