I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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