i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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