Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
