i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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