When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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