Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
