omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
