2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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