Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Randomize
