You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
