it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
