you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
