he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
birth control should be required to get into college
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
