she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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