i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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