I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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