Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
