would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
