YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
