you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
