apparently the secret to your success is patron
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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