You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
