took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
