Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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