I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
