i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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