My nipple is on Facebook.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
