wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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