Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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