what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
