things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
