so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
