i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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