apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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