So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
