talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
