Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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