it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
