so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
