oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
