Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize