Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
