so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
