No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
