Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
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