Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize