OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
