ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i was born a porn star she said
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
