I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize