saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
