i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize