last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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